It doesn’t always have to be worse.

You know when you’re upset about something and then either you or whomever you’re venting to says something like, oh, chin up, it could always be worse?

Why in the heck do we do that?

I know, I know. It’s trying to give us perspective, I get it. I stubbed my toe, oh woe is me – get over it woman, there are starving children all over the world!! Your toe is fine!!

I get it, I do.

But… I think it’s wrong.

Please don’t keep reading assuming I’m suggesting we all go forth from now on with massive chips on our shoulders, and allow negativity to take us over; that is NOT what I am saying. And I hate excessive complaining, I really do!

I just think that our feelings are so complex and so important to our souls’ beings, I don’t understand why in the heck don’t we just allow ourselves to have them?? Why do we have to stunt them, or qualify them, or explain them, or anything? Don’t they help make me ME? And aren’t I supposed to be awesome? So…why am I denying such an integral part of who I am? To save face? To prove humility? Someone explain this to me, because I don’t get it.  

To my limited intellect my saying that I shouldn’t be sad because someone else always has it worse than me is the same as saying I shouldn’t be happy because someone else is happier. Which is LITERALLY the opposite lesson from what I’m trying to teach my kiddos on the daily – yes, your lollipop is orange and hers is red, but be grateful you GET a lollipop! YES that balloon is bigger than yours but I didn’t have to get you a balloon at all! YES I sneaked vegetables into your mac n’ cheese, but you’re not starving!! (Kids, amirite?!)

We know that we should be happy with what we’ve got, count our blessings, not compare to envy – my house isn’t fancy enough, big enough… this is torturous thinking! So we focus on the positive and practice gratitude in all things.

But we’re not allowed to feel the bad stuff, because someone has it worse somewhere. Always. There is SO much pain and suffering in the world. Always has been. Always will be. And THAT in and of itself is supposed to make me feel better…??

Do you see how messed up this is?!

And we ALL do it!

So maybe my stubbing my toe isn’t the end of the world. Guess what? I KNOW THAT. I know it’s not a big deal. I KNOW ‘this too shall pass’ when the throbbing stops and I can bear to stand on it again in five minutes. But right now, in this moment, I feel like crap, my foot freaking HURTS, and I just want to sit down and own it for a few minutes before I move on.

We need both. We NEED the negative. Literally without negative there IS not positive. If I can’t have sorrow I can’t have joy – the absence of one negates the other. They define each other. Pleasure is opposite of pain; happy the opposite of sad…. Like in that feelings movie by Disney… what was it? With Joy and Sadness, Anger and… the little green one… it’ll come to me… but you know that movie?!

The kid has 3 defining traits, and a slew of memories that are associated with a single feeling each – happy, sad, angry, whatever. But at the end the feelings realize they work best in conjunction with each other – this particular memory is SO happy because the little girl had been so wretchedly heartbroken over something and then was embraced by her family and blah de blah warm and fuzzies, mixing emotions gives richer experiences and suddenly she’s more delightfully complex than 3 things and the SHORT version is YOU NEED BOTH. (PHEW take a breath!)

(Someone remind me the name of this film. It’s driving me bananas.)

Okay, do you get it?? Please don’t start COMPLAINING non-stop trying to be happy – that will NOT work. You have to adopt a generally positive attitude on the regular. Just has to happen; negative people SUCK!! But my gosh, do me a favour: if you’re HAVING a negative moment? Just let it happen. For a minute, at least. Don’t think about everyone else having it worse than you, don’t try to make your feelings invalid. Feelings are NEVER invalid or wrong. Doesn’t matter if they make sense or if they’re totally irrational. They’re there, they’re real, and they’re yours. Own them. Embrace them. Figure it out. And THEN carry on. You can feel the hard things, you can get upset, and you can still be a positive force in the world.

You will never make the world better by hiding part of your incredible self from it, so don’t dull your own feelings in order to fit in with what someone else tells you is acceptable.

Rant. Over.